Tell your heart to beat again.
Close your eyes and breath it in.
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace.
I have been told there is a fragile moment of waiting during every open-heart surgery that can determine the life or death of a patient. In order to operate doctors have to slow down and sometimes completely stop the heart of their patient, sending that patient into a comatose state. It is only in this state that restoration and repair can begin. The process is long and painstakingly difficult, but eventually, the surgeon arrives at a point where the heart is fully repaired and the tenuous moments of waiting begin. For a heart surgeon, the moments of gently coaxing the heart to start beating again and waiting for a response can be the most challenging moments of the entire procedure. The heart has been repaired. The blot no longer exists. But the heart has not yet begun to beat.
I used to believe forgiveness needed to involve my emotions. As a child, I would often wait until I was no longer angry or hurting before I would grant forgiveness because, in my mind, that’s how forgiveness worked. The idea of forgiving in the midst of tears, in the midst of anger, and in the midst of pain was foreign to me. It wasn’t until I grew older that I realized the true implications of what it means to “forgive as God has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). God forgives immediately when asked, not later once restitution has been made. God forgives even when He knows we will sin against Him again. God forgives when we don’t deserve forgiveness. The reality of God’s forgiveness can be both comforting and terrifying because I am called to forgive in the same way. I’m not given a get-out-of-forgiveness-free card if my emotions are still raging and weeping against the person who has hurt me. I am called to forgive in spite of, not because of, my emotions.
Sometimes forgiveness is easy and my emotions easily fall into line once forgiveness has been asked for and granted. But sometimes the hurt goes deeper and my emotions need time to cooperate. When the pain is bad enough it makes me question my worth I am shown just how stubborn my emotions can be. Forgiveness has been granted. The process of healing has begun. There is no longer anything standing between me and the person who injured me. I have resolved to be reconciled and am taking steps in that direction. But the pain has not yet gone away.
And so I wait. Because forgiveness isn’t the end result of healing, it is the promise that healing will begin.
I wait for my emotions to catch up with what my head already knows. I wait for my heart to engage with the message my actions are declaring. I often wait in tears and heartache, but I still wait with hope because I know the process of restoration has begun. I wait in hope because no matter how deeply this life may hurt me I know that one day I will stand before my Savior and He has promised to wipe every tear from my eyes. This pain won’t last forever. My heart is ready to beat again.
Love's healing hands have pulled you through
So get back up, take step one
Leave the darkness, feel the sun
'Cause your story's far from over
And your journey's just begun
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” - Revelation 21:4
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