Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
This past month has been full of transitions. Within a period of 24 hours I learned that I needed surgery on my arm, the heating in our house failed, my car broke down, and an emergency foster placement of three kids arrived at our door with fifteen minutes notice. Our lives immediately changed. The moment three children arrived in my home I was acutely aware of my need to rely on the Lord, knowing that the strength, energy, and love that I needed for the task ahead could never be found in myself. I got up early to spend precious time in God’s word and asked for the Lord’s guidance in every interaction. I used rare moments of silence to meditate on Scripture. My husband and I spent our evenings praying for the kids in our care and asking the Lord to give us His grace. Through all of the twists and turns that those first weeks of transition offered us I saw God’s grace and the power of His love manifested in new and beautiful ways. And through a chaotic life transition I discovered again the sweet sense of peace that comes from constantly casting my cares on my Savior.
Life started to calm down. The kids began to adjust to our new home and routine, my car was repaired, and the heating in our house started to work again. I had family members and friends offer to help me with tasks that were painful to complete due to the injuries in my arms and life began to have a sense of normalcy once again. I started to sleep in more often. I sometimes forget to pray at night. And during moments of quite I was often so tiered after a long night being up with the kids that I found it easier to browse Facebook than meditate on God’s Word. I still read my Bible and prayed each day, but it lacked the sense of urgency I had felt before. God’s goodness seemed to grow somewhat dimmer or more vague day by day. I knew God’s grace was ever present in my life, but I didn’t see it as clearly as I had before. And, truth be told, I often forgot to ask for it.
All of this led me to yesterday afternoon.
I’ve had a headache for the last two days (compliments of a head cold) and the kids have been sick as well. I am learning that one of the interesting things about kids is that they rarely let sickness slow them down. Rather than becoming quite or desiring to rest, children often react to illness with increased restlessness, increased demands, and increased irritability. While making dinner yesterday afternoon, the combination of battling a fever and headache, struggling to find ingredients that I was certain I had bought but seemed to be nowhere in the house, and a constant barrage of input from children “telling” on each other became overwhelming and I sank to the kitchen floor with my head between my hands. Where are you, Lord? I wondered as I tried to ease the throbbing in my head and willed myself to not cry. Why don’t You help me get through this day?
Immediately after that question ran through my mind I was confronted with the truth: I hadn’t asked for God’s help. I hadn’t sought His grace in my life. In fact, I had hardly thought about my Savior since my morning devotions nearly ten hours before. I had breezed through my Bible reading that morning and forgotten about prayer entirely. As my fever and headache increased I had googled remedies, listened to soothing music, and taken ibuprofen but I had not once remembered to pray and ask God for healing, strength, or patience. I had acted as if I needed to get through the day on my own strength, and then wondered why I felt like I was alone. I had forgotten my Lord’s invitation to, “Call upon Me in the day of trouble” and I had also forgotten His promise to rescue me (Psalm 50:15) I sought to be my own sustainer and found I was not enough.
In life’s dramatic moments I automatically turn to God, knowing that He is the only one who can see me through. But in the everyday frustrations, tears, and struggles that I face I to often forget my dependency on Him. I assume my problems are too small to matter to God, or (even more foolishly) I believe they are small enough I can handle them on my own. But if I claim Christ as my Lord, that means I give Him control of my life defining moments of crisis as well as my everyday irritations. God is the Lord of my health crisis and my morning headache. He is sovereign over my future family and over the traffic jam that makes me late to an appointment. He didn’t stop being mighty simply because my trials seem trivial. His grace is abundant and freely given when asked for, wether that grace is needed because of an emergency foster placement arriving at my door or simply because I didn’t get enough sleep.
The children in my home are eager to ask for help. Although I am not always able to meet a child’s request (I still haven’t learned to turn off the sun when it is shining in their eyes) I am pleased when they ask me. I want them to know that I am safe and available to help. When they come to me for help, even with seemingly trivial matters, it demonstrates that they trust I will be there for them. My Heavenly Father invites me to come and ask just like they do. He asks me to come before His throne and seek his help in the big moments and in the little ones.
When I seek Him I can be confident I will always find His grace sufficient no matter how climactic - or everyday - my need may be.
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. – Hebrews 4:16
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